Amersham CC v SUCC 1st XI on Sat 21 Apr 2018 at 12:30
SUCC Lost by 2 Wickets

Match report Brace Yourselves, Winter may actually be here by the end of this match report.

Before we start, having not played a proper game of cricket in almost two years, it’s fair to say I was a little excited, having asked James a good 57 times about the chances of the game being on due to the horrendous weather over the past few weeks we had confirmation, WE’RE PLAYING CRICKET!

Now Where to begin? Let’s start from the night before the game as the two freshers in the side were given their duties. The standard Mint Sauce ‘that is the shower gel for any non SUCC reader’ (Dabvait) and Jelly Babies for drinks (GK). George was also told we were to be playing in colours after asking skipper James if he needed to bring a white shirt, however he was not to fall for this and came fully prepared. Advait however… took the meaning of mint sauce rather to literally and was spotted leaving Sainos with actual MINT SAUCE. When questioned on this *American Accent on* “I assumed it was to go with the Lamb at tea” (Advait, 2018) Silly Silly Yank.

Onto the journey, we set off in high spirits and bright sunshine with nothing but excitement for the start of the new season heading to Amersham, roughly 80 miles towards London way. Will Batemans SUCC Away Days playlist belting from the cars of Myself (Fish) and Jallen with what we can only presume to be a combination of build ups beats and drops from that of Ramesh’s (imagine switch on a Saturday night). Now, all was going swimmingly with gribble galore in anticipation as to what was to unfold in the first game of the season, however roughly 25 miles from Amersham somewhere along the M25 I began to notice a problem, the accelerator stopped working… we’d lost power. “oh shit, Shit on it, that’s DOD in the bag” (Fish, 2018). With our speed slowly falling and weaving in and out of a couple Lorries I managed to pull over onto the hard shoulder in what was quite a precarious spot. About 200 yards before the M4 joined the M25 with 6/7 lanes of traffic all merging together, not ideal. Safe to say the engine much like the weather the last few days was ‘a bit hot… maybe too hot… actually definitely too hot’. 5 minutes or so later Jal pulled up behind us to which we thought we’d give it a while then try to get the car going again. During this period many a horn was pipped and a fair few wanker signs from middle aged men in their vans. It was wishful thinking from the start trying to get the old boy going again tbh, he wasn’t having any of it, the car was f*****. AA to rescue, only half an hour to get someone out was good news as we’d almost resigned the day to being stuck on the side of the road for the foreseeable future.

With help on its way it was decided Jal was to take Advait and head off to the ground. Queue one of the scariest moments of his life. James had to reverse around 100 yards along the hard shoulder to get a run up to get back on the motorway whilst avoiding oncoming traffic and my stationary car. An agonising 2 minutes past before he eventually built up the courage to go for it! He was off, deciding to take on a big f off lorry in a drag race. Me and Anish saw the danger jumped over the barriers, this was tense, with road running out before a nasty collision into the back of my car but barely ahead of the lorry, he went for it missing my car by inches and the lorry by not much more. The common phrase “you can fit a bus through that!” certainly was not applicable here. AA man arrived and agreed to tow us to the ground, Legend. That was an experience in itself, having to steer and break without a running engine is not easy. But in the end after having to stop to let Theresa May and her police escort past, we made it! On time at that.

Now onto the game, Amersham had politely asked us to bat first so there we were, Hersh and Dorling in the middle, let’s play cricket! Slow and Steady wins the race, on a soft deck that was doing bits and pieces with quite a slope, it wasn’t easy going. But just what the doctor ordered they made a decent start seeing out the first 10 overs or so. Things started to go a little pear shaped, within the space of a couple overs, Hersh snicked off, Kayser at 3 LBDonka 2nd nut and Dorling also nagged off. After sorting out the car and organising another pick up for after the game, I politely asked Cam if I could move back to 4. He agreed, and was at 5 facing a ball before me… It was tough going but we made it through a few overs and were starting to get to grips with the pitch, although the old ball was still cutting us in half making us look rather silly. “Think we can start running these around now, they’re sat deep, let’s build a partnership” (Ponsonby 2018). 2 balls later… Cam knicks off. Jallen to the crease and after getting off the mark he decided to push at a leg stump half volley and looped up a dolly to square leg. Classic early season wicket. I didn’t last much longer departing LBDouche. “That’s just out” comes to mind. With Arv missing a straight one (absolute jaffa in all honesty) soon after we were in a pickle at 73-7 with the 73 consisting mostly of a few 5 wides. Advait and Jords to the rescue much like the AA a few hours earlier. Jords 20 and Advait 18* took the game to the oppo with some positive batting to take us past the 100 mark. After the Jords was poled and GK’s resistance came to an end. The Bexley Lara was in the middle for the entertainment of us all. Quickly spooning a full bunger to cover it did not last long, we were all out for 133. No Ducks! Always take the positives.

Tea wasn’t one to remember, few sarnies bit of fruit and couple kit kats etc and that was that. 3/10 especially after finding out it would set us back £45, much to the annoyance of tres Cuddles who had only budgeted for 40 screwing up his whole calculations, cash may not be the way forward fella.

Into the field, after 7 overs it was looking to be a fairly quick game as Jords and Kellingley were despatched for 60. Half volleys galore, highlight being the Batsmen directing GK where to find the ball that he’d just put him into the field with. “Fetch your own shit”. At last a breakthrough, a rather dubious LBW and Jords picked up the first wicket of the season. Queue a motivational speech for skipper James “Don’t focus on the run rate lads, wickets is what we need” (Allen, 2018) “Erm Jal, the scoreboards broke mate we have no idea anyway”. The first of many clichés made after the fall of wickets in the huddle. Hersh replaced GK and with his first and only ball, snicked off the bludgeoner who’d just gone to 50 with to my relief and surprise. It stuck at first grabber. 100% for the season always a nice feeling. Hersh’s hammy had gone, unable to continue after only 1 ball the 2nd injured seamer came on to replace him, Jal and his dodgy shoulder. 2 down quickly became 5 down with Anish coming on to take 2 and Jords another with Advait claiming his first grab in a SUCC shirt, many more to follow I’m sure. When Mr Ramesh picked up a wicket as the bat missed a straight one, (yes you read that right Arvind was having a bowl). We started to believe. At Drinks the situation was Amersham needing 27 with 4 wickets left, overs were not an issue. “4 bits of cricket boys” (Fish 2018). First ball after drinks, Arv takes one low down for a C&B and his 2nd. Come on! “3 bits of cricket” “What do drinks bring” “1 brings 2” the list goes on… Shortly after Arv got his 3rd Jal taking a super grab having covered a big distance running in from long off. 8 Down… Unfortunately this was to be the last as Amersham knocked off the remaining runs, also worth mentioning Anish shelling a dolly at cow, what could have been.

A 2 wicket loss certainly not the worst outcome after the position we were in.

A pint on the outfield with nominations for MOM and DOD. MOM noms were Advait for a fine performance on debut and Arv for his 3 fer, but Jords was to take it with 20 and a 2 fer.

DOD was not much of a contest, but Hersh was put forward for his 1 ball spell, Advait for buying actual mint sauce and preventing a wicket with one of the more comical moments of the match as whilst appealing for almost everything he manged to get in the way of the ball heading for a certain run out, (ask me for the full story). Even so, I had DOD in the bag.

With Jords heading home and only 2 working cars 5 set off on the journey home whilst the rest of us stayed waiting for the RAC to come and take away my whip. A game of American Football kept us interested on the outfield with beers and gribble, it’s good to be back.

Eventually we set off, torrential rain and thunder storms as we headed back along with a superb game of HQ making it all the way to Q9, what is reminiscent of “LEE SHARPE ITS LEE SHARPE” the boys told me the answer to which I did not follow suit, who’d of thought the Aussies were fatter than the Italians.

We made it back in time to join the 3s for a pint in the Gordons and discuss the antics of the day. If you’ve made it this far congrats and much appreciated! I think the only thing left to say is… Cricket is Back!

We don’t like cricket, oh no, We LOVE IT! Love,

SUCC 1st XI Batting
Player Name RunsMB4s6sSRCtStRo
3nb 17w 12b 5lb 
for 10 wickets

(42.4 overs)
Hersh Khatri ct  A.Lines 12 1
Lewis Dorling ct  H.Ali 15 2
Alex Kayser lbw  A.Lines 2
Jake Fish lbw  S.Rogers 10 2 1
Cameron Ponsonby ct  S.Rogers 4
James Allen ct  C.Tilbury 1 1
Advait Manur Not Out  18 2 1
Arvind Ramesh b  S.Helm 4 1
Jordan McLeod b  A.Viney 20 3
George Kellingley b  A.Lines 8 1
Anish Patel ct  A.Viney 1

Amersham CC Bowling

Player nameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy

Amersham CC Batting
Player name RMB4s6sSR
1b 7lb 
for 8 wickets
134 (28.3 overs)
L.Jackson ct  Fish b H.Khatri 50
B.Friderichs lbw  J.Mcleod 6
R.Viney b  A.Patel 6
A.Viney ct  Manur b J.Mcleod 1
A.Ali lbw  A.Patel 13
C.Tilbury ct  & b A.Ramesh 13
H.Jackson b  A.Ramesh 4
S.Helm Not Out  18
H.Ali ct  Allen b A.Ramesh 5
S.Rogers Not Out  10

SUCC 1st XI Bowling

Player NameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
Jordan McLeod9.0332216.003.56
George Kellingley3.003200.0010.67
Hersh Khatri0.10010.000.00
James Allen2.511200.004.24
Anish Patel8.0230215.003.75
Arvind Ramesh5.302036.673.64