Winchester University II v SUCC 2nd XI on Wed 29 Apr 2015 at 12:30
SUCC Lost by 10 wkts

Match report ‘That don’t kill me, can only make us stronger.’ (Kanye West, 2007)

After a week of anticipation towards the 2s first BUCS game of the season, members woke up to a morning that can only be rivalled in wetness by a netball girl when taken to Burger King by Sam Clough.. With all other games called off the social 2s incredibly set off on the short trip to Winchester. Everyone was abord riding Patto’s banter bus, and after a Andrew Wooding grumble it was clear SUCC were not the only people to have been riding something of Patto’s in the last 24 hours.. Arriving at the ground it was decided the game would be delayed by an hour giving just enough time for Bateman to give a match report on Saturday night antics and provide Jordon the most sexual action since coming out of his mothers womb.
After a while Patto and 3rd Base Wise strode out to a wicket which resembled grass that had just been mowed after a long winter, nevertheless members were still confident on the sidelines, ‘I think we will smash them because they will be really shit.’ (Bateman, 2015) After Patto and Heno left straight ones, Yippee Jayden was plumb (shock) and BlozzaWise was clean bowled the 2s found themselves at 15-4. The rain break that followed was only improved by the news that Sam Clough had been called a ‘wanker’ by his own umpire after failing to tell him the game was called off.. Kumo Lightowler and Royals strode out after a short delay with Royals’ head more perpendicular than when he is trying to work out whether his conquest from Jesters is wider than she is tall. Unfortunately memories of the 2s last year became reality with Royals, Kumo, CJ and Jordan all in and out very quickly. Fatwood Mac was out to a horrific swish and miss, which brought potential Couple of the Year Bateman and Wellsy to the crease, Bateman soon nailed on DOD asking for a guard of middle although it was pre-marked and then subsequently raising his bat after hitting a four. After being dubbed two of the worse batsmen in the club, the pair put on a display of resilience lacking from the rest of the team, after a few fours from Bateman who topped scored with 8 he smacked a flithy full toss straight down mid ons throat and changed back into his gentry. This left the 2s utterly embarrassed at 35 all out.
There was very little to write home about from the bowling only that Winchester knocked off the runs none down after 7 overs despite some decent bowling from Wellsy. CJ went for a sixth of the teams runs in one ball before Fatwood Mac, trying to follow up some hard hitting chat, bowled 4 balls for 11 runs to hand the game to Winchester. A very quiet shower time followed before Royals’ and Batemans only solution was ‘Lets forget about this and get in the bin.’ (Royals, 2015) At this point Kightley and Fresher Alec turn up to watch the mighty 2s. Thanks for coming lads.
A few pints were enjoyed in Winchester, and potentially the harshest game of danger fives ever to be played occurred which included a massive shock appearance from Grant Elliot.. After a match which lasted roughly the length of Bateman’s relationship it meant there was plenty of time to chop pints for fun meaning the mighty mighty twos were well and truly in the bin and enjoyed a cracking Oceana night to once again prove the 2s are very much the social hub of the club.. #elitism. To top off a decent day, Wellsy also managed to break a certain Vixen social secretaries heart after turning her down in favour of a blow job from a dead fish..
Despite the day being summed up as ‘the worst of my life apart from my Grandad dying’ (Royals, 2015) the 2s still have a long season ahead of them and the manor of the defeat means they will come back much stronger and push for promotion harder than Northerner pushed for an abortion..
BG x
MOM- No-one after such an abysmal display.
DOD- Bateman despite looking like the best bat in the team, having a average of 51 in 2015 and top scoring, his previously mentioned antics swung a very one sided vote. Very harsh.

SUCC 2nd XI Batting
Player Name RunsMB4s6sSRCtStRo
6w 1lb 
for 10 wickets

(21.2 overs)
Greg Wise Bowled  7
Ben Paterson Bowled  0
Sam Hennessy Bowled  2
Jayden Clark Lbw  0
kumo sharma Bowled  4
Chris Royals Caught  4 1
Conor Jones Caught  0
Jordan McLeod Bowled  0
Paul macaulay Bowled  0
Will Bateman Caught  8 2
Alex Wells Not Out  3

Winchester University II Bowling

Player nameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
No records to display.

Winchester University II Batting
Player name RMB4s6sSR
4w 2b  
for 0 wickets
36 (7.4 overs)

SUCC 2nd XI Bowling

Player NameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
Alex Wells4.011300.003.25
Conor Jones3.011100.003.67
Paul macaulay0.401000.0015.00