University of Plymouth 2nd XI v SUCC 3rd XI on Wed 30 Apr 2014 at 13:00
Match was Abandoned

Match report Not very bright and far too early on a Wednesday morning, 11 of Wessex’s finest gathered on Campus for a 4 hour trek to Plymouth. Jayden immediately put himself in strong contention for DoD by turning up on the back of a very heavy night in Sobar, although he showed credible resourcefulness by turning up with a bin bag stuffed into his pocket in case of emergencies.
An uneventful 4 hour journey followed which saw us arrive in a sunny Plymouth keen to get cracking. After taking a quick look at the pitch, Captain Coates declared it a ‘definite batting track’ (Coates, 2014) despite it bearing a green hue not dissimilar to colour of an increasingly ill Jayden’s face.
Despite some reasonable sunshine and warm weather, the Plymouth groundsman seemed unwilling to let play commence and so an early lunch was taken. This was provided in the form of local Cornish pasties, which the team gave a very solid 7 but according to the extraordinary wisdom of Greg Wise ‘lacked variety’ (Wise, 2014). This led the increasingly vocal Coates and his compatriot Joel Webb to consider other counties with signature food types, with Webb making a frankly outrageous shout that Kent was famous for ‘Kentucky Fried Chicken’ (Webb, 2014).
Oddly, the arrival of rain signalled the start of the day’s play and saw Wessex being put in to bat. Wise and Coates duly demonstrated how not to bat during the powerplay overs as they scored a leisurely 2 runs off the first 3 overs. The dismissal of Wise saw a by now very hungover Jayden arrive at the crease and promptly succeed in running his captain out, much to his chagrin. Webb then aimed a shot through midwicket and was caught at cover before Holcombe came to the crease and a decent partnership was built, Jayden especially playing some lovely shots even though he ‘didn’t time one until he got to fifty’ (Clark, 2014). Holcombe, after hitting the day’s first #MANZILSMAXIMUM and a few other lusty blows, was then given out LBW despite being several inches outside leg stump at the time of impact. A precession of batsmen then attempted to support Jayden but when he holed out for a fine 75, the innings was soon over, all out for 149, even though we had Bantock, incredulous that he ‘wasn’t batting up the order’ (Bantock, 2014) coming in at number 10.
Keen to bowl the opposition out, we then took to the field in very heavy rain and Adi Submarine-man and Bantock both bowled good opening spells, reducing the opposition to 3 down for 40 odd. This would have been 4 down if not for Coates’s dropped catch, leading him to declare ‘I hope I’ve not come all this way for a pasty and a shoe’ (Coates, 2014). Persistent rain then meant the match had to be called off, which was probably a good shout as even Perrett the ferret knocked a Plymouth batsman’s leg stump clean out of the ground.
What followed was then a Jonny Coates show. Apparently quite excited by the prospect of a shower, he declared ‘I fucking love cock’, and after exiting the shower in a worryingly horny state admitted that ‘the only person I would cheat on my girlfriend with is Holcombe’s sister’. An apparent attempt to justify this was given with ‘when I’m drunk I just get horny and want to have sex with everything’.
This got us onto the minibus in high spirits although diversions and thick fog gave Coates plenty more time to produce some classics. Shortly after describing Aylon as ‘CJ from San Andreas’ and ‘you’re just like a real GTA character, aren’t you?, Coates was pulled over by the police not 100 metres from his own front door. At this point the squad abandoned him and Joel and went their separate ways. Overall a top day and a promising game of cricket.
DoD- Jayden
MoM- Jayden

SUCC 3rd XI Batting
Player Name RunsMB4s6sSRCtStRo
6nb 10w 3b  
for 10 wickets

(29.5 overs)
Greg Wise ct  Negus 4
Jonathan Coates Run out  11 1 1
Jayden Clark ct  Jandor 75 7 1
Joel Webb ct  Eslick 0
William Holcombe lbw  Rostron 25 3 1
Alex Stansfield b  Rostron 0
Edd Foster Run out  7
Aylon Wijaiyarajah b  Rostron 0
Adithya Subramanian ct  Rostron 4
James Bantock lbw  Jandor 4 1
Jon Perrett Not Out  0

University of Plymouth 2nd XI Bowling

Player nameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy

University of Plymouth 2nd XI Batting
Player name RMB4s6sSR
1nb 4w 1lb 
for 3 wickets
45 (11.0 overs)
Berryman b  Perrett 11 1
Rostron ct  Bantock 2
Perry b  Subramanian 1
Eslick Not Out  24 3
Jandor Not Out  1

SUCC 3rd XI Bowling

Player NameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
James Bantock5.0014114.002.80
Adithya Subramanian5.0018118.003.60
Alex Stansfield1.00700.007.00
Jon Perrett1.00414.004.00