SUCC 3rd XI v University of Winchester on Wed 21 May 2014 at 12:30
SUCC Lost by 7 wickets.

Match report 3’s slump to second BUCS defeat.

Still reeling from the shock defeat to Roy Heads barmy army, SUCC 3rd XI assembled on a bright morning looking to bounce back and get their promotion charge back on track as Winchester visited lake Wide Lane. And what a fine group of morons there was assembled that day, led by Wessex’s most outrageous man Joony Joony Coates.
After a thoroughly disinterested warm up, the 3’s could at least look forward to a good groin stretch….but no there were to be no numerical wonders from Coates as his newly acquired lady friend banned coitus after he divulged his previous misdemeanours. Credit to Rob Gill who felt his drunken attempt to thumb in a semi was definitely worth a two….
The arrival of Winchester did not inspire fear into the men of Wessex, a selection of goblins and poisoned dwarfs stumbled out of their mini bus looking like they’d just come from a mornings sun bathing in Southampton container port. This lack of respect (at least from your humble writer) would come back to bite them later.
Coates lost the toss and Wessex were inserted on a typical Wide Lane wicket; damp, slow and uneven bounce. Given the clubs recent propensity for spectacular batting collapses, our glorious leader instilled the need to bat time and complete the full 50 overs.
Opening the innings alongside the skipper, Tits took his advice rather literally, digging himself into an enormous trench as he and Coates sought to see off the honest if not particularly threatening opening bowlers. Coates showed the kind of form that has propelled him to the top of the SUCC batting charts this year (probably) as he ruthlessly dispatched anything short. Tits slowly began to get the ball of the cut strip and the two combined in a useful opening partnership. Coates was eventually caught off a leading edge for an entertaining 30.
Jenden joined Tits and the two began a period of steady (boring) accumulation only interrupted as Tits launched the gobby Winchester skipper back over his head for four. Both fell in quick succession, Tits for an incredibly dull 23. There followed a flurry of Wessex wickets as both Roy and Joel departed in quick succession – poor Joel falling for his fourth successive duck. He must surely be regretting the £85 membership fee now…
There followed a period of rebuilding as the excellent Greg Greg Wise showed his class with a well-constructed knock to finish 34 not out. Wooding reaffirmed his batting prowess with a 16 ball duck. Supporting cameos from Gill and Notification resulted in Wessex scrambling to 152 all out of 49.4 overs. A useful score on a difficult pitch and slow outfield.
Winchester in a wonderful act of generosity conceded 35 extras to help boost the Wessex score. Duke 3-19 the pick of the Winchester attack, looking past the disgraceful act of wearing his cap on back to front.
An excellent tea followed from Rob Gill and Jagender resulting in a score of 7.5; decent quantity and variety although the douchebag olives were a non-event. This was topped off by a fantastic cake offering from the actual Mrs Gill.
Wessex entered the field in buoyant mood but knowing early wickets were key. Wessex got off to a perfect start, bagging a wicket in the first over as a top edge from a Stansfield half tracker was taken by the diving Coates. A farcical run out followed a couple of overs later and Winchester were two down for bugger all.
There followed an excellent partnership between the numbers three and four batsman. They played in a circumspect manner but punished anything slightly loose. Their partnership turned the tide and with every run, the looming inevitability of defeat crept over Wessex.
There’s a well-known saying in deepest darkest Wiltshire ‘you can only piss with the cock you’ve got’ (Sanderson 1842). When it came to his three’s bowling attack, Coates was lumbered with one considerably shorter than his own as a succession of bowlers steamed in bowling exactly the same thing: medium. This meant that Winchester were never under any pressure as the runs required ticked down.
Our glorious leader then turned to Wessex’s most experienced spin bowler Andrew Wooding. Bowling at his preferred end (I prefer to bowl to the shorter boundary, Wooding 2014) the poor lad proceeded to bowl a succession of honking full tosses and wides. His two over spell cost 23 runs and effectively ended the game as a meaningful contest. The wet ball didn’t help, but he can look back in years’ time when he is the owner of his own successful fishing tackle business and know that this chastening spell was a great character builder and would’ve no doubt made him a better human being.
Despite useful spells from Gill and Jagender, the game rapidly slipped from Wessex’s grasp. Coates sought options and much in the way a farmer takes a cow for a final walk before being shot, Tits was rolled out of the slips for a trundle. After rolling back the years with his first over, normal service was resumed in his second and he too was swiftly removed from the attack.
Despite a late wicket from Jenden, Wessex swiftly fell to defeat by 7 wickets. Credit to Winchester who utilised the conditions far better, clearly their cricket ability is better than their academic prowess.
Defeat effectively ended the 3’s hope of automatic promotion but as an old man looking in there are many positives to take. There is clearly talent in squad 2, but a little more work in constructing an innings/over needs to be learned and the extras need to be dramatically cut.
A superb team shower (the only thing your humble writer will miss of Wide Lane) capped of the day’s events…perhaps we shouldn’t have bothered with the cricket and gone straight to this instead.

MOM: Greg Greg Wise for his good knock
DOD: Coates for not knowing what Nelson was.

Manuel Tit

SUCC 3rd XI Batting
Player Name RunsMB4s6sSRCtStRo
4nb 29w 2b  
for 10 wickets

(49.4 overs)
George Sanderson ct  Hayden 23 3
Jonathan Coates ct  Gray 30 5 1
Alex Jenden st  Duke 8 1
Greg Wise Not Out  34 3
Roy Head ct  Duke 2
Joel Webb ct  Hayden 0
Andrew Wooding ct  Duke 0 1
Alex Stansfield ct  Kirk 1
Rob Gill b  Gray 8 1 1
Dharmin Naik ct  Spencer 3
Jagender Gupta lbw  Spencer 0

University of Winchester Bowling

Player nameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy

University of Winchester Batting
Player name RMB4s6sSR
3nb 15w 3b  
for 3 wickets
153 (36.2 overs)
Airson ct  Stansfield 0
Luff run out  Wooding 2
Kirk ct  Jenden 48
Taylor Not Out  63
Duke Not Out  19

SUCC 3rd XI Bowling

Player NameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
Alex Stansfield7.0030130.004.29
Dharmin Naik7.212100.002.86
Jagender Gupta3.001600.005.33
Andrew Wooding2.002300.0011.50
Rob Gill7.011600.002.29
Alex Jenden4.0016116.004.00
George Sanderson2.001100.005.50
Roy Head1.001700.0017.00